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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22973467">Home (Can Be a Person)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AemiliaFawn/pseuds/AemiliaFawn'>AemiliaFawn</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Malec Drabbles &amp; Oneshots [17]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shadowhunters (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Fluff, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 15:07:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,236</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22973467</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AemiliaFawn/pseuds/AemiliaFawn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>There was a word for what Magnus felt for Alec - but Magnus couldn't say it just yet.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Magnus Bane &amp; Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Malec Drabbles &amp; Oneshots [17]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1295897</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>208</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Home (Can Be a Person)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Home (Can Be a Person)</strong>
</p><p>Magnus wasn't exactly sure why or when Alec had taken on the habit to sit on his balcony, just waiting for Magnus to come home, on particularly stressful days when he needed to get away from his hectic life. He supposed it had started after Jocelyn's death. He had found Alec on his balcony back then for the first time - nursing bleeding knuckles and an aching heart, and the air of something akin to a stray dog which might snap if Magnus didn't gently approach him. Magnus had dealt with such people in the past before - Raphael when he had first turned into a vampire and had been about to step into the sunlight to, in the vampire's words, <em>burn for his sins</em> had come to mind - and he had known better than to ask too many questions. Instead he had spoken kind, true words to the Shadowhunter, and had lovingly healed those beautiful hands of his once he'd been sure his affections wouldn't send Alec running again.</p><p>Their relationship had been very new back then. As the weeks passed them by and more difficult times came and went Magnus learned that somehow, he had the privilege of being the only one who could really get through to Alec when the Shadowhunter got into these horrible, brooding moods. Somehow he was the only one who could get Alec to smile and ease up when his thoughts were dark and self-loathing. </p><p>Magnus was also the only one Alec came to see when Alec didn't really want to see anyone at all. There was a word for that. But their relationship still remained too fresh to call it by its name just yet.</p><p>Today appeared to be one of those days again. Magnus came home after taking a trip to the Malaysian Shadowmarket to collect some herbs he could use to help a particularly gifted harp-player overcome her arthritis, and was humming happily to himself as he set down his bags, thinking to himself that he was truly doing the world a favor by helping her make her music a little longer.</p><p>And then he paused.</p><p>Something had gotten through his wards. It couldn't be malicious - it wouldn't have gotten through if it had. But...</p><p>Magnus walked over to his balcony, already half-expecting to see Alec sitting on his fire escape and smiling when he indeed found the young Shadowhunter slumped on his usual spot. It was a Summer night so Magnus wasn't too worried about Alec catching a cold, but he did appear to be asleep, and Magnus hoped he wouldn't wake with a painful neck.</p><p>Well, he supposed a little warlock TLC could fix that.</p><p>Magnus slid his balcony doors open as quietly as he could, and approached Alec. By the time he had reached him Alec was already blinking his eyes open. Shadowhunter reflexes, Magnus supposed.</p><p>"Hey," Alec said in a hoarse voice, rubbing at his eyes.</p><p>"Hi handsome," Magnus replied. He marvelled at how adorable Alec looked and how overcome he was with affection for this nephilim, but he chose to keep such things to himself. He brushed his knuckles over Alec's cheek. "How are you today?"</p><p>Of course, what Magnus really meant to say was,<em> are you okay?</em>. They texted a lot throughout the day and they always had a few date nights during the week so Magnus liked to believe he had a general grasp on what was going on inside Alec's beautiful mind, but surprise visits nowadays meant something was up, and Magnus couldn't help but worry.</p><p>Alec just put his hand on top of Magnus' and turned his cheek more into Magnus' palm, pressing a kiss there.</p><p>"Better now that I see you," Alec answered. Magnus fought the immense joy he felt from hearing those 6 words but it was no use. He was a fool for this man. "What time is it?"</p><p>"A little past 10," Magnus said. "C'mon. My couch is much more comfortable."</p><p>When their hands slid together and Alec allowed Magnus to pull him to his feet, they shared tired smiles and Magnus knew in his heart things were okay. This was a normal visit from his boyfriend. As far as normal was possible for them anyway.</p><p>"Were you out there for a long time?" Magnus asked.</p><p>"I think I got here around 7."</p><p>Magnus paused.</p><p>"<em>7</em> - why didn't you text me?"</p><p>"I didn't know if you were busy."</p><p>"I'm never too busy for you," Magnus argued with a frown. "You could have let yourself in at least."</p><p>"I'm not an expert on relationships but even I know breaking into my boyfriend's apartment isn't exactly a normal thing to do."</p><p>"Normalcy is overrated. And you know you are always welcome, any time."</p><p><em>Because I don't mind seeing you every minute of every day,</em>  Magnus almost added, but he was quick to swallow such words. He knew all too well that Alec never entered the loft if Magnus wasn't home. It was ironic to Magnus that out of the handful of Shadowhunters who had barged their ways into Magnus' home and heart, Alec was the only one polite enough to knock beforehand when he also happened to be the only one Magnus had ever truly wanted to open himself up for.</p><p>Magnus let go of Alec's hand. Alec hovered behind Magnus - when the warlock turned Alec was rubbing his own knuckles like he did when they were sore.</p><p>"Do you mind? Me coming here, I mean. I know I should have called to ask but -"</p><p>"Alexander," Magnus gently interrupted. "The only reason why I prefer you to call beforehand is so that I can make sure I'll be home for you."</p><p>Alec looked at him like such a thing hadn't even crossed his wonderful mind. Magnus couldn't resist - he just had to lean forward and press a soft kiss against his soft lips, keeping it brief because he knew his man was tired, but when he saw the soft expression in Alec's eyes as he parted he couldn't help but ache for a little more physical contact.</p><p>"What brings you to my balcony anyway?" Magnus inquired if only to distract himself. "We can meet up anywhere else."</p><p>"I like it here," Alec answered. "I feel like this is where I can really think, and be myself."</p><p>Oh. Something within Magnus tightened when Alec moved away from him, studying the apartment like it was his first time being here.</p><p>"I suppose just being around your things helps me calm down," Alec continued, more to himself than to Magnus. He was running his fingers along the centuries old tomes on Magnus' bookshelves. "Things you touched, collected... Memories... It probably doesn't make any sense."</p><p>"It does," Magnus gently said. "Being in a person's living space is very intimate. It's where we make some of our best memories - where we rest, eat, spend time with our families, play... Love..."</p><p>Magnus trailed off, realizing he had just said the L word and wondering if he had really blown it this time. But Alec just gazed at him.</p><p>"Best memories," Alec repeated. He mulled that over. "Yeah. I guess... That might be it. Every time I think of my best memories they always involve you somehow."</p><p>Magnus studied Alec, surrounded by his things. He looked like he fit right in. A part of Magnus wanted Alec to stay, permanently, but he knew that it was much too soon to ask such a thing, and he also knew he should savor this frail, yet beautiful period in their relationship because it wouldn't last.</p><p>"Come sit with me."</p><p>"Actually. I... I was wondering. Can we, um - go to your bedroom?"</p><p>Alec looked a little flustered. His eyes were scanning over Magnus' bookshelves again like he couldn't bear looking at Magnus and own up to what he had just implied.</p><p>"...Are you sure?" Magnus asked, not sure if he had understood right.</p><p>"I wasn't - not for <em>that</em>," Alec gestured with his hand. "Sorry, that must've sounded really... I just wanted to lay down with you. Hold you a little."</p><p>Magnus was both relieved and disappointed. He's wanted to put his hands on Alec since the day they met - see him naked, feel his beautiful body against his own. He wasn't afraid to admit he had touched himself endlessly to the mere thought of it.</p><p>But he also knew it would change everything. This stage of their relationship where everything was still new would be over and it was a loss Magnus was fairly certain he'd mourn. He wanted to explore Alec slowly. Savor every aspect of him. He didn't want to be robbed of the chance to do so.</p><p>"Come," Magnus said. He took Alec's hand, heart still beating far too quickly even though he knew they were going to be keeping their clothes on, and together they walked into the bedroom. Alec's been here before. Had slept here before - whilst Magnus had respectfully taken the guest bedroom. But they'd wisely never been here alone at night before.</p><p>Magnus brushed his ringed knuckles over the side of Alec's face. He smiled gently.</p><p>"You're beautiful," he told the Shadowhunter, and Alec smiled bashfully. They took off their shoes and laid down on the satin sheets, for a moment staring at each other in silent awe. Even though he had said the words, he felt them in return aimed at his own person when Alec gazed upon him as though Magnus was a rare, beautiful work of art.</p><p>"Do you think home can be a person?" Alec almost whispered, like Magnus' bedroom was a sacred place which was meant to be quiet undisturbed, like a church or a library.</p><p>"Yes," Magnus breathed. "I do now."</p><p>They kissed. Although they had agreed not to take it that far Magnus couldn't help pulling Alec on top of him, just wanting to feel the weight of his body. He shivered, gasping into Alec's mouth when Alec's tongue teased at the seam of his lips, bodies grinding together. For someone with as little experience as Alec had he sure knew how to make Magnus crazy with desire - he wanted the nephilim so bad, it felt like a physical ache not having him inside.</p><p>Magnus' hands slid down over Alec's back and before he could possibly put a stop to himself they were suddenly underneath Alec's shirt, feeling the supple, strong muscles on his back. Alec moaned softly and a jolt went through Magnus when Alec hitched his thigh up a little higher and pressed right up against his hard length. Magnus was rapidly losing control of himself and he felt himself twitch when Alec moaned again and pressed him deeper into the sheets.</p><p>"You have to stop," Magnus forced himself to say and Alec instantly froze.</p><p>"What?" Alec asked dazedly. Magnus didn't dare to open his eyes - he knew his cat eyes would show, and he didn't want to scare his boyfriend off.</p><p>"It's - hard. To resist ripping your clothes off."</p><p>"Oh."</p><p>He could feel the heat of Alec's blush against his own face, and wished he could look at the Shadowhunter. But not until he regained some control again.</p><p>He gently, but firmly, pushed at Alec's shoulders after giving him a final kiss.</p><p>"Tell me something," Magnus said.</p><p>"Something?"</p><p>"Anything. To get my mind off..."</p><p>
  <em>Wanting to get fucked by you in a million different positions. Oh, God - I can feel that I made you hard, and you feel so big, and I just wanna -</em>
</p><p>"Did you know that. Um. I'm afraid of spiders?"</p><p>Magnus' mind stopped thinking dirty thoughts. Alec got off him and he could feel the mattress dip when Alec laid on his back beside him. It took a hot second for Magnus to really process what Alec had just said.</p><p>"...Spiders?" Magnus asked in confusion.</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>Spiders. Eight-legged monsters, who in his home country had been the size of his hand back when he was a young boy, and here in New York only seemed like minor inconveniences compared to what he was used to back then. But still, they were disgusting, with their hairy legs, dark, soulless eyes...</p><p>The thought helped Magnus find the sense to lift the glamour in his eyes again. He opened them, only to find Alec's cheeks still pink, his eyes averted and his knees bent upwards to hide his lingering excitement from having been so close to Magnus. One day, Alec would luxuriate in his nudity, he would walk these floors naked, lay in this bed naked. His skin would glisten with sweat (and other fun fluids) and there would be love bites trailing down his body. But now he just laid there in jeans which surely felt a little too tight in this very moment and a shirt which was still a little bunched up around the back from where Magnus had allowed himself to touch.</p><p>How Magnus loved him. How he ached to tell Alec he did - but he would let Alec come to him first. He relinquished all control to Alec and could only hope this young man knew what to do with the old, bleeding heart beating in the palms of his hands.</p><p>"You kill demons but you are afraid of spiders," Magnus forced himself to tease, just to ease some of the tension between them. If Alec had been more experienced, hadn't been so new to all of this, Magnus would have rolled on top of him himself and would have made him forget his name.</p><p>But he wasn't. So Magnus wouldn't.</p><p>All good things were worth waiting for, Magnus reminded himself. And he had plenty of time to spare.</p><p>"What? They're disgusting."</p><p>Magnus chuckled. He reached for Alec and this time, Alec didn't climb on top of him, but rather just laid his head on Magnus' chest to listen to his heart. Magnus' fingers started walking along Alec's back.</p><p>"Itsy bitsy spider..." He sang, and Alec groaned.</p><p>"I regret telling you that already."</p><p>"Oh come on. It'll just be one more thing I can add to all the reasons why I-"</p><p>
  <em>- love you.</em>
</p><p>Magnus cleared his throat, grateful he had caught himself on time.</p><p>"-will never fear a single Shadowhunter again for the rest of my life," he lamely finished instead. Alec snorted and gratefully hadn't noticed Magnus' hesitation. He just nuzzled a little deeper into Magnus' neck, where he smelt of cologne and laundry detergent, and pressed a kiss to Magnus' adam's apple. Magnus exhaled a sigh through his nose and was about to remind Alec that this might be a bit too much friendly touching if he was intending on keeping things PG, but then Alec spoke again.</p><p>"My mother came by today," Alec announced in a low murmur, his breath tickling the sensitive skin of Magnus' throat.</p><p>"Oh? How did that go?" Magnus cautiously asked. Maryse Lightwood wasn't one of Magnus' favorite people - she always seemed to hurt her children so deeply with her cold attitude and demanding commands, and Magnus had grown quite protective over the Lightwoods. Alec shrugged, but Magnus could sense that it was still on his mind.</p><p>"Same as always. She doesn't say anything about..." Alec trailed off, but Magnus knew what he meant. <em>Us. Me kissing you at my wedding - me choosing my own happiness over being the perfect son.</em> "...Well. She doesn't have to. Just the way she looks at me is enough I suppose."</p><p>"How does she look at you?"</p><p>"Like I'm a disappointment."</p><p>Magnus frowned and sat up a little, sexy thoughts officially all gone.</p><p>"Hey."</p><p>Alec avoided looking at him. Magnus should have known something was up after all - it was easy to forget that the little non-life-threatening things like this could hurt his strong Shadowhunter too. Magnus put a hand on Alec's cheek.</p><p>"What you did at your wedding was one of the bravest things I've ever seen in all the centuries I've been alive. You are incredible, Alec."</p><p>Alec shrugged, obviously not really buying it. Magnus took his chin in his hand and forced him to look at him.</p><p>"Listen to me. I don't know what the future will hold - I don't know if your mother will ever start seeing what's right in front of her. But even if she doesn't, nothing will ever change that you are one of the bravest, strongest, and most beautiful people I have ever met. And that's why I and so many other people -"</p><p>
  <em>- love you -</em>
</p><p>"-<em>care</em> for you and believe in you. And you're going to do great things in your life. With or without her approval."</p><p>There was something in Alec's eyes - Magnus couldn't tell if it was sadness, or if Alec was just genuinely moved by what Magnus had just said. What he did know when Alec leaned forward and kissed him again was that this kiss was a <em>thank you, I appreciate you,</em> and maybe if Magnus allowed himself to be hopeful, it was also a <em>I wouldn't know what to do without you</em>. When Alec made to pull away after that kiss Magnus held his face in his hands and kissed him all over. Just soft, gentle brushes of his lips against the corner of Alec's mouth, his cheek, his temple... By the time Magnus reached the very tip of Alec's nose Alec was smiling again. This was what Magnus was best at, he'd learned some time ago - dismantling Alec, stripping away almost explosive anger and sadness until Alec felt safe enough to be his true, soft self.</p><p>Magnus nuzzled their noses together in an eskimo kiss and Alec rewarded him with another brief kiss on the mouth.</p><p>"Here."</p><p>Magnus snapped his fingers and his hand glowed blue for a few seconds as he conjured up a key, which he promptly pressed into Alec's open palm. He knew what he was doing was stupid - they had only been together for a few weeks. But with a war hanging over their heads, constantly being in life threatening situations... He's learned the hard way that life is very precious.</p><p>"I want you to have this. I know - I know that it's too soon. And that you'll keep knocking on my door just to see me open it for you when I'm home. But when I'm not here to open it for you, I want you to know that you are still welcome here. Whether you wanna sit here and think or just take a nap in my bed. I want you to have a place in this world where you can be yourself."</p><p>Alec stared at the key in his hand.</p><p>"But I already do. It's by your side."</p><p><em>Oh Alec</em>, Magnus thought, <em>why must you torture me this way?</em></p><p>"Then just keep it for emergencies. Or in case you wanna borrow another bottle of shampoo."</p><p>Alec pressed a kiss to Magnus' cheek.</p><p>"Okay."</p><p>"Okay?"</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>They smiled. Then, Magnus opened his arms in invitation.</p><p>"Come on then. Don't think I forgot you came here to cuddle with me."</p><p>"I didn't <em>just</em> come to cuddle with you," Alec huffed, but he went willingly and without hesitation. Magnus hid his smile in Alec's hair and squeezed him a little tighter.</p><p>"Are you sure about that?" Magnus teased.</p><p>Alec mumbled something which sounded very much like an embarrassed<em> just hold me already</em>. Magnus was more than happy to comply.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Moment of silence for all the drabbles like this one which I wrote on my phone and lost when my phone decided to delete all my notes. You shall be missed.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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